Tips & Tricks from Matatu-riding Pros
As I always come to realize when I adjust to a new culture, the human person is highly adaptable. Take people who live in war zones. They go about their normal business – squeezing ripe fruit at the market, tilling the soil of their fields, having babies and baptizing them – with bombs and shrapnel flying all around them.
Or, take relatively-peaceful Uganda. With roads that look (and feel) like hell and little expendable income to spend on a personal car (or car maintenance…or gas, for that matter) and living near a city that grows more sprawling every minute, matatus are the perfect answer for the average Ugandan’s commute. They are cheap (usually only 1,500 shillings, or 0.66 US cents, to get from Entebbe to Kampala – which is easily 20 kilometers away). They are plentiful (you usually only wait one minute before another comes flying down the road). And they put the scary-ass job of driving on these Ugandan roads into the hands of a “professional,” when you yourself may not have even a license.
However, don’t be fooled. Though “convenient” (HA!), using the matatu as your main means of transportation requires a certain amount of esoteric knowledge (i.e., tips and tricks). And we, matatu-riding professionals, are here to bestow such knowledge upon you. So, buckle your seat belts…
1)Actually, don’t even try to buckle up because there are no seat belts, except perhaps the two seats by the driver. You may look like a total square, and definitely an “overly-cautious” mzungu, but if you see a seat belt, use it. Also, be especially wary if the driver himself wears his seat belt. This could mean two things: A) he doesn’t want to get pulled over by the next cocky, rifle-toting policeman for not wearing his seatbelt or B) he knows it’s going to be a crazy ride. Just assume both are true and you’ll be safe.
2) Stay out of the first two rows behind the driver, if you can. Yes, they are easier to get into initially; you don’t have to crawl over five people and trip over the wheel hump to get these seats. But don’t let this entice you. The conductor’s sole job is to cram the matatu until it is overflowing so that he can make his quota for the day as early as possible. It is these first two rows that are likely to fill up first. Though they “comfortably” seat three, they usually seat 4, sometimes 5. And if you’re lucky, you’ll also be sharing the seat with a huge pound of potatoes headed to the market for sale.
3)If you are going some distance (at least a few stops), try your best to squeeze over to the window. That way, you can sit there comfortably without being asked to move when the person next to you needs to get out. Otherwise, you will find yourself getting up and out of the matatu every time someone to your right needs to leave, as well as any others along the left side ahead of you in the matatu. This is very annoying, and usually very awkward, especially if you are wearing a skirt. It’s hard to get in and out of a matatu quickly when wearing smart clothes.
4) Sometime during the trip, the conductor (usually sitting on the lap of someone in the 1st row) will turn around and yell something in Luganda. Don’t be alarmed. He’s probably just asking for money. You are under no obligation to give him the money right away. Rather, like the other passengers, gaze out the window for a while as if you didn’t hear him. Then, he will ask again. This time, slowly rifle through your purse or pocket until you find some coins and count them out in your hand. But don’t give them just yet – the matatu could break down before you get to your stop, and you’ll be out of money. If you see your stop in the distance, feel free to surrender the fair. It is also possible if the conductor keeps asking around that he is looking for change to break a rider’s large note. The opposite of this may occur when the matatu pulls over to fill up on petrol and begins seeking riders with large notes so that they do not have to surrender their smaller notes in order to be able to give riders their balance.
5) Like most places in Uganda, it’s best to have correct change when getting on a matatu, or else you may not get your proper “balance” in return. The entire population of small notes and coins in Uganda are in the hands of matatu conductors, giving the illusion that they can break large bills. However, don’t take the risk. Hand over the correct change when able. If you do not have the correct change, hand him the next largest bill, then bore holes in his head with your eyes as you patiently wait for change. Do NOT leave the matatu without receiving your change, or else he’ll “forget” and drive away with your money. He will usually return your balance once he realizes you are a matatu-riding pro and know exactly what’s going on.
6) It is common knowledge that the conductor will try to squeeze a few extra hundred shillings from any unsuspecting mzungu who boards his taxi, particularly mzungus who assume that prices are fixed and conductors are honest. Neither are true. There is a MINIMUM price, but not a fixed price. First, find out the cost of the ride from someone nearby (not another matatu conductor). Then, as you board, don’t ask for the price. Otherwise he will assume you are bartering with him and will automatically quote something higher. He may volunteer the price himself, just as you are boarding. If he says “Kampala, two-thousand”, feel free to say “No, it’s one-five.” And he will nod and point to one of the seats. If he continues to quote the wrong price, persist in responding with the “right” price. If you are unsure, ask a fellow passenger. It’s also helpful to watch other people pay their money – keep a close eye on any change they receive. This will let you know how much you should pay.
7) There are several ways to indicate your desired stop, with “Masow” (Stop here) being the most affective. You may also choose to say a landmark, such as “Shell” (gas station) or “University”. Also, you can “stage”, though it is ambiguous as to where exactly these stages (taxi stops) are located. You may yell stage and the driver doesn’t pull over for a kilometer. Other times, he pulls over right away. The subtly is lost even on these professionals. There are other Luganda words, such as “Awo” (There) that work, too. If all else fails, feel free to say “Stop the damn taxi” and you will probably get your wish. If you’re really lucky, when you state to the conductor as you board where you will be getting off they may even announce your destination upon arrival.
Matatus are small and, as a result, personal space and privacy is neither a privilege nor a right. Be prepared to be elbowed, stepped on, and sat on (see #2). If you are reading a book or sending a text message, be prepared to have either read by the passenger next to you. If you are a mzungu, be prepared to be stared at and, occasionally, greeted. For reasons lost on even these professionals, some people choose not to move from their seats when passengers need to slip by from the right, which means you may find yourself sitting on someone else, or at least having your butt in their face in order to de-board. This is expected and is normal. Also, on rare occasions, be prepared to have your butt touched when you are leaving the matatu.
9) Matatus can accommodate some luggage and other carry-ons. You can either have them placed in the boot, or carry them on your lap. If you are carrying on live animals, such as chickens, you may want to place them in a plastic bag up to their neck to ensure that they don’t poop on you or a fellow passenger. Also, if you are carrying something exceptionally smelly, such as a rotting carcass in a bag, you may be kicked off that matatu at the orders of an offended driver (and everyone else). And everyone knows it’s never good to offend the driver.
10) If loud music or talk radio is unappealing, bring ear plugs. Many matatu drivers like to listen to the radio very loudly and, therefore, the passengers listen to it loudly, as well. The best way to avoid being subjected to this noise pollution is to sit in the front seat, away from the speaker. Or stick your head out the window for the majority of the trip. The worst place to sit is the 1st row where the speaker is located directly overhead and pointed right at you.
11) For inexplicable reasons, your matatu may be stopped by an angry armed official, such as a military person or an officer. You will find that the military person will open the door, yell loudly, and passengers will shuffle off in a confused but obedient fashion. It’s best just to follow the passengers rather than remaining stubbornly in the matatu, or else you may end up at the police station. When the officer gets in the matatu and rides away, don’t be alarmed. This is protocol. Simply walk along the road and wait for another taxi. Also be prepared for no explanation regarding the previous incident.
12) It’s best to bring a book, especially when boarding a taxi at a taxi park. In order for the taxi to leave, the conductor waits for the taxi to fill all the way up, which means on particularly slow days, you could be sitting there for an hour. So, instead of complaining, get out your book or your crossword puzzles/Sudoku/etc and see it as a much needed break from the hubbub of urban life.
